It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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