a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
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Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
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I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Ladies don't puke and tell
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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