3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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