Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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