my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
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i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
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Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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