she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize