i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
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Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
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He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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