He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize