i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
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We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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