didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
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I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
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I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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