When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize