Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
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I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
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apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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