He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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