Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
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Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
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dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
do nipples grow back?
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