did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize