I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
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