So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize