I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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