I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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