When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
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Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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