I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize