In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
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Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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