my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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