My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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