I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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