rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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