I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Vodka?
Forever.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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