I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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