If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize