I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
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i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
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Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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