So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize