he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
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You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
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make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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