my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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