Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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