Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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