I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
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I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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