I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
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You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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