Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize