drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We need to get me chipped asap
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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