yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize