Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
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Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
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I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I need to align my fucking chakras
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