I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
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He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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