Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize