white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
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I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
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No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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