break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
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I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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