If i come over, it means nothing
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
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The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
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He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
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