How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize