The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
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They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
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Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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