ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
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I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
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It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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