I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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